I’ve been worst then ever.
This blues is bordering with full blown depression. I should be happy, i have so much to look forward to, all my journeys, all the lovely people, all my friends, my job but i am just so fucking sad all the time.
Work has been havoc lately, but i got some real recognition for the quality and effort i put into it- not that i depend on praise of others, but it’s always nice to hear a “well done”.
Everything else has been great too- but i feel that i’ve been faking it, faking the smile, the show starring this funny, powerful cute main character that everyone loves to have in their company while i’m really in my good old socially unacceptable phase where i sulk and gloom. And then in the rare moments when i can’t fake anymore- they all flock with “hey, what’s wrong with you, don’t be so serious and bad tempered, cheer up” and then i’m seconds away from bitting their heads off and yelling fuck off.
But it’s not like i want to stay home alone and not be bothered- i can’t seem to be alone, i don’t know how to behave in the company of people, i am such a mess.